The Worst Health and Fitness Plan Ever

It’s probably a bad idea, but I’m going to share my health and fitness strategy. There are some crackpot ideas in here (especially the first one), and you should abandon them right quick if they don’t work for you. For whatever reason, they work for me, and I’m sharing them because maybe they will be helpful to others who, like me, hate routine and have an unusual metabolism.


The author taking a moment to do some quick yoga while in her pajamas and waiting to get started on some home renovation.


First off, what do I mean when I say that the following tips work for me? I mean that I like how my body feels. I am not skinny and don’t really want to be. I am muscular and I am curvy. Both of those traits come pretty naturally, so my idea is that I should work with my body so that it is muscular and curvy in ways that feel good to me. Work with your body. Love your body. And also ignore your body altogether once in a while. Here’s the attention I give mine.

  1. Skip breakfast. Well, not most of you. Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day for most people. But my metabolism must be a little different than most. If I eat breakfast, then I am hungry all day long and I eat like a horse. If I skip breakfast, then I can usually go until noon or later without a meal, and even then I don’t tend to eat large portions. My mind and body feel better when I start the day lean.
  2. Exercise in the kitchen. I have lots of small chunks of down time when I am cooking. Three minutes while I wait for water to boil. Thirty seconds between the time I flip the pancake and the time it’s ready to go to a plate. And so forth. I take that time to do pushups against the counter or to bust out about 20 jumping jacks.
  3. Figure out how to use what you already have for exercise. As I mentioned, pushups against the counter are great. You can also step up onto a sturdy chair and then back down a few times. You can jog in place or do a few balancing exercises. Forget about equating exercise with going to the gym.
  4. If you do have equipment, keep it small and handy. In my case, I have a few small weights that I keep near the kitchen so that I can do some arm curls while I am sautéing onions. If they were in any way inconvenient to get to, I simply wouldn’t do it. So I keep them near the place where I am most likely to exercise.
  5. When you start to glaze over at work, exercise. Take thirty seconds to do some pushups or sit-ups or whatever. It will make you more productive. Don’t care if other people laugh at you. You are being a good influence.
  6. Accept hunger. It’s the natural human condition to be a little bit hungry quite a bit of the time. When you think you would like a snack, wait about 15 minutes before you go get it. And then try a piece of fruit or a handful of nuts first. You don’t want hunger pangs certainly, but in general we would do well to accept that being a little bit hungry is not so alarming.

Okay, so I’m not a fitness guru. None of this is the result of careful study, and it’s not like following these tips will make you any sort of hottie. But I do feel great about the strength and flexibility of my body. If some portion of this helpful, that’s great. The advice is free, so take it for what it is worth.


2 Responses to “The Worst Health and Fitness Plan Ever”

  1. Dolores Francis Says:

    Generally, we are on different wave lengths here, but I agree with nos. 5 and 6. If you absolutely cannot exercise when starting to glaze over (say in a meeting), deep breathing also helps. Another possibility with feeling hungry is that you may just be thirsty. When Bern quit smoking and started to gain weight, he said he found that if he felt hungry, a glass of water usually sufficed.

  2. erstwhile luddite Says:

    That’s a great point about being thirsty. And actually, I find that the less I eat, the thirstier I am. At one point I was so thirsty all the time I got tested for diabetes, but I was in fine health. I guess maybe I was getting a lot more fluid in my food intake than I realized and when I started eating less I still needed to make up the moisture.

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